Cougar Barbie – Click here for the funniest movie of the week

Fellow female baby-boomers:  what media image best describes you?  Gray, staid and rarely laid? Or desperate, over-sexed cougar in search of unsuspecting boy-toy?   Addicted to botox? Or withering from benign neglect?  How about your professional image?  Are you an over-the-hill executive?  Or nurturing mom to all the “kids” in the office?  These images sure as hell don’t describe me!  How about you?  The Cougar Barbie™ video just got me going.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m no prude and I love a good joke.  And self-deprecating humor is my specialty. But, I am sick of the degrading labels and media images that suggest I am a pathetic has-been. Sick!

The youth-oriented culture is wreaking havoc on me and it’s getting old.  And while Corporate America is subtle in its fixation on youth, I don’t need a miracle ear to hear the message loud and clear. Sadly, I’ve been told I’m no longer “high-potential” but a “pro in place” (ugh!).  A headhunter pitching an executive position carefully asked whether I was looking to slow down at this point in my career (eye roll).  I’ve been told to put away my reading glasses because they make me look old.  Spruce up my image!  Down-play my personality!  Lose twenty pounds, gain a personal trainer.  I get it!  I no longer fit the image of budding female executive and may be dangerously close to past my prime.

Truth is, I AM the every-day female executive. I may be a little zaftig for my pencil skirt, and, I admit, after a grueling day at work you’ll find me on the sofa bonding with Grey’s Anatomy rather than at the gym busting-a-move on the treadmill.  But, damn it all, I’m still fresher than I was at 30!   I’m healthier than ever – mind, body and soul; I’m creative, productive, adept at technology and a voracious learner.  Yes, I have tons of experience to draw from but it doesn’t stop me from seizing every opportunity to leave the comfort zone in the dust.   Maybe it’s the hot flashes, but I feel like I’m on fire– in a good way.  I am desperate to see women like myself represented for what we are:  witty, wise, smart and sassy.   Instead I feel woefully undervalued. Am I alone?

If you remember the ’60’s, you probably remember the mantra Black is Beautiful.  The phrase was a battle cry that used physical beauty as a metaphor to galvanize society – black and white alike – to embrace what it meant to look, feel and BE African-American.  The movement challenged Americans to re-define beauty.  Until then, anglicized features were the hallmark of attractiveness.   Female beauty equaled straight hair, thin lips, fair skin, and a flat ass.  There were literally no black women celebrated for their beauty who didn’t look like dark versions of white women. The battle cry had an effect.

Today, models like Iman, Naomi Campbell and Tyra Banks are by-products of “Black is Beautiful”.  American fashion trends for women have boasted hair “perming” and braids, and the all-over tan.  Today we go to great lengths to create the illusion of full lips and rounded “gluts”.  The movement to redefine beauty worked.  And, though we can’t claim total victory, the ultimate glamorous power-couple, President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama, may deliver us pretty close to the finish line.

I’m not trying to say it’s all about image but, there’s a corollary here.  What is OUR equivalent of “Black is Beautiful”?  Is it…

“Older is Bolder”

“Over Fifty and Fabulous”

“Gravity is Goodness”

I’m not crazy about any of them, but I do know this, my female friends:  we need a mantra and we need to believe it; we need a movement and we need one now.  Baby boomer sisters, let’s take the media by the shirt collar and remind them that we are not cougars, we are not pathetic has-beens, and we will not fade into the background while our younger sisters bask in the limelight.  We are amazing specimens with so much to celebrate:

• We are attorneys, neurosurgeons, fire-fighters and soldiers. And though we may occasionally bump our heads on the glass ceiling, we own successful businesses and run fortune 500 corporations.
• We toil and succeed at staying healthy, vibrant and looking our best.  While we are not focused on looking 35, some of us actually do.
• We love to learn, embrace change, and continually reinvent ourselves before we reach the FINAL transformation .  And, despite reports to the contrary, we see tons of run-way ahead.
• We are devoted to our partners, children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews, but resist being defined by them.
• We have more to offer than ever … and are in a phase in our life when we actually have the time and motivation to follow through.
• Our bodies may be sagging here and there but our potential is soaring.  We really ARE getting better with age.

I was 14 when Helen Reddy’s, “I Am Woman Hear Me Roar” convinced me, along with an entire generation of American women, that I was strong and invincible.  And though I was born in 1958, the same year as Barbie™, I am no cougar.  I am a woman…a Phenomenal Woman, as Maya Angelou would say.  And if there are any feline labels to slap on me, I prefer lioness in business, tiger in bed and pussycat at home with friends and family.  Yes, I am a lion of a woman…hear me ROAR!  Care to form a pride?

Helen Reddy

Well…I changed my mind. I have been pushing for over thirty years. And, I admit it, I need a break. In fact, without one I may even be short-changing my future success. I thought I took a break in May and June after finishing at Yahoo! and before my short term consulting assignment at Juniper. And, yes, I slowed down a bit. But I put enormous pressure on myself to “use this time” wisely. I created a business entity, incorporated, set up the mechanics of a business, created a logo, networked with other female entrepreneurs, planned a female forum, embarked upon an exercise regime. I rose every day at 6am and lived by a schedule. I was afraid to allow too much down-time for fear of getting lazy.

In October, after completing my Juniper assignment and producing the F5 event, I vowed to take time off to rejuvenate, to “cocoon”*. Well…in true form my first month of cocooning involved launching a blog, designing future programming for F5, moderating a commonwealth club meeting and resuming success coaching (for myself). In one month I read three books and created a business plan for my TA venture. AND I had plans to launch an image re-haul: nutrition plan, personal trainer and image therapist.

Around 2 weeks ago, I met with Dory Willer (my coach) and told her I was frustrated at my pace – too slow! Dory gently reminded me that I was “cocooning”*. She entreated me to go back and read about cocooning and what it meant. And then I had the V-8. Holy cow. I had never stopped long enough to truly rejuvinate. And I was surprised to discover that I am terrified of stillness. Not just driven to make use of my time, but desperate to fill it with “stuff”.

So, dear reader, I’m slowing down, taking stock, and getting ready for my next stage. Well, trying. Here’s what I’m doing:

1. Cleaning, shedding, releasing: I have purged my bedroom closet and drawers so far. More to follow.
2. Recording the journey – I will continue to write and publish through my blog.
3. Nourishing head, heart and body: I’m working through the program “Effortless Success – Living the Law of Attraction”; walking at least an hour a day; cooking delicious healthy meals.
4. A “little bit” of business planning. Only when I feel like it, though– no schedule!

Here’s what I’m not doing:

1. Getting out of bed any sooner than I’m ready to. If that’s 6am, great; If it’s 8 am, even better. Haven’t made it to 9am yet. (hmmm…maybe a new goal?)
2. Forcing work on my plate before I’m ready to handle it.
3. “Pushing the rope”. I love that analogy. If it’s not easy and joyful, it’s for another day.

I’ll keep you posted on the journey. Anyone else “cocooning”? Let me know.

*A note about cocooning: The term was introduced to me through the book LifeLaunch – A Passionate Guide to the Rest of Your Life by Frederic M. Hudson and Pamela D. McLean. The book outlines and navigates the reader though the “renewal cycle”: Phase 1 – Go For It; Phase 2 – Stuck in the Doldrums; Phase 3 – Cocooning; and Phase 4 – Getting Ready for the Next Chapter. We spend most of our life in the “Go For It” phase. When we get to the Cocooning stage it’s a time to take stock, shed the old, prune so as to regenerate.

I’m sensing that professionals — especially women — are shifting their focus from the corporate ladder to creating a business of their own. Is it a trend or a blip? Is it by necessity or choice? What compels or prevents people from working on their own? Is there a gender variable to this equation? I want to hear back from as many of you as possible – let’s get the dialogue going.

I label myself an entrepreneur. It’s such a powerful motivator for me that even when I have worked within in the confines of the corporate labyrinth, I’ve acted as if I was an “owner” of a business providing a service for my organization. So, my answer is a resounding YES! I want to be an entrepreneur…and I am. Even though I’m the “boss of me” I tirelessly collaborate, partner and network because I like affiliation and I don’t yet employ anyone. Still, being “in charge” is liberating and suits me. Business success is within my direct grasp! My ideas are my currency and I act on them as quickly as I choose. And once I have employees, I will be able to consciously create a company culture that aligns with my values and ambitions. Sadly, self-employment means no corporate safety net: I pick up the full cost for insurance (health, life or disability); I choose the accountant and the lawyer as well as run IT. But entrepreneur I am and entrepreneur I stay.

How about you???? Comment below! I want to hear what you think.

Carol

p.s. I moderate comments but will turn them around very fast

• The Silicon Valley Commonwealth Club asked me to moderate their program on October 29, 2009 , featuring Mireille Guiliano, author of French Women Don’t Get Fat and new book, Women, Work and the Art of Savoir Faire. I was THRILLED!  I LOVE her – adored her last book and am an avid Champagne lover (she was CEO of Veuve). I help the Commonwealth Club, get exposure for my company and me, and have the opportunity to meet an off-the-charts fabulous female in the process (and thanks, James Duran, for inviting me to be a panelist for the Commonwealth Club which got me the gig in the first place). What a Win/Win
• Lucinda White – a recruiter/HR professional – called me out of the blue suggesting that we meet. She saw information about Live and Leap — F5 and my talent acquisition background — and wanted to meet me.  Turns out she is a fabulous recruiter and a lovely human being. She reminded me of the generous spirit of great recruiters; they get such a charge out of helping people realize their career dreams. We connected; I gave her a little career advice. Not sure if there is a business angle here – but I sure felt great after our conversation over lunch. It was a Win/Win
• Carmen Hudson and I talked this week so that I could check-in on her after she so graciously agreed to be “team coached” at the Fifty Fab Females forum. Turns out that Lisa Kowalski, fellow forum attendee and sales expert extraordinaire, has helped Carmen immeasurably in her quest to promote her new company (MAJOR kudos to Lisa), which launches some time in November. Also, Dory Willer, coach and guest speaker at the forum, volunteered to coach Carmen, and both agreed to share the journey on this blog! Carmen offered to assist me with my blog and passed on a consulting lead (love ya, Carmen).  A little sister love and definitely an example of a Win/Win
• I received three separate emails from individuals/business people discussing potential business opportunities. I won’t go into detail on any of them now, but what is interesting is that many of the connections I made months ago are paying off in opportunities now. Win/Win
• My friend Ben Wong over at Juniper Networks invited me on behalf of the HRCA to participate in the upcoming Recruiting Game Show event on November 11th over at Yahoo! Win/Win
• A top nutritionist, personal trainer and image consultant all responded to my invitations to  participate in a public project to re-invent ME into a more healthy and attractive 51 year-old – chronicled step by painful step on this blog. They are all “in” and excited. Win/Win
• And finally, I was able to help a few people who needed it. I know that by paying it forward, the rewards will be immeasurable – not the least of which is to share in the joy of having something to offer another in her time of need. Win/Win

“Tune-in” to the F5 blog…more great stuff coming.  Also, stay “tuned-in” to life…there are a million win/wins waiting for you to pay attention and pay it forward.

Carol