Cougar Barbie – Click here for the funniest movie of the week
Fellow female baby-boomers: what media image best describes you? Gray, staid and rarely laid? Or desperate, over-sexed cougar in search of unsuspecting boy-toy? Addicted to botox? Or withering from benign neglect? How about your professional image? Are you an over-the-hill executive? Or nurturing mom to all the “kids” in the office? These images sure as hell don’t describe me! How about you? The Cougar Barbie™ video just got me going. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no prude and I love a good joke. And self-deprecating humor is my specialty. But, I am sick of the degrading labels and media images that suggest I am a pathetic has-been. Sick!
The youth-oriented culture is wreaking havoc on me and it’s getting old. And while Corporate America is subtle in its fixation on youth, I don’t need a miracle ear to hear the message loud and clear. Sadly, I’ve been told I’m no longer “high-potential” but a “pro in place” (ugh!). A headhunter pitching an executive position carefully asked whether I was looking to slow down at this point in my career (eye roll). I’ve been told to put away my reading glasses because they make me look old. Spruce up my image! Down-play my personality! Lose twenty pounds, gain a personal trainer. I get it! I no longer fit the image of budding female executive and may be dangerously close to past my prime.
Truth is, I AM the every-day female executive. I may be a little zaftig for my pencil skirt, and, I admit, after a grueling day at work you’ll find me on the sofa bonding with Grey’s Anatomy rather than at the gym busting-a-move on the treadmill. But, damn it all, I’m still fresher than I was at 30! I’m healthier than ever – mind, body and soul; I’m creative, productive, adept at technology and a voracious learner. Yes, I have tons of experience to draw from but it doesn’t stop me from seizing every opportunity to leave the comfort zone in the dust. Maybe it’s the hot flashes, but I feel like I’m on fire– in a good way. I am desperate to see women like myself represented for what we are: witty, wise, smart and sassy. Instead I feel woefully undervalued. Am I alone?
If you remember the ’60’s, you probably remember the mantra Black is Beautiful. The phrase was a battle cry that used physical beauty as a metaphor to galvanize society – black and white alike – to embrace what it meant to look, feel and BE African-American. The movement challenged Americans to re-define beauty. Until then, anglicized features were the hallmark of attractiveness. Female beauty equaled straight hair, thin lips, fair skin, and a flat ass. There were literally no black women celebrated for their beauty who didn’t look like dark versions of white women. The battle cry had an effect.
Today, models like Iman, Naomi Campbell and Tyra Banks are by-products of “Black is Beautiful”. American fashion trends for women have boasted hair “perming” and braids, and the all-over tan. Today we go to great lengths to create the illusion of full lips and rounded “gluts”. The movement to redefine beauty worked. And, though we can’t claim total victory, the ultimate glamorous power-couple, President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama, may deliver us pretty close to the finish line.
I’m not trying to say it’s all about image but, there’s a corollary here. What is OUR equivalent of “Black is Beautiful”? Is it…
“Older is Bolder”
“Over Fifty and Fabulous”
“Gravity is Goodness”
I’m not crazy about any of them, but I do know this, my female friends: we need a mantra and we need to believe it; we need a movement and we need one now. Baby boomer sisters, let’s take the media by the shirt collar and remind them that we are not cougars, we are not pathetic has-beens, and we will not fade into the background while our younger sisters bask in the limelight. We are amazing specimens with so much to celebrate:
- We are attorneys, neurosurgeons, fire-fighters and soldiers. And though we may occasionally bump our heads on the glass ceiling, we own successful businesses and run fortune 500 corporations.
- We toil and succeed at staying healthy, vibrant and looking our best. While we are not focused on looking 35, some of us actually do.
- We love to learn, embrace change, and continually reinvent ourselves before we reach the FINAL transformation
. And, despite reports to the contrary, we see tons of run-way ahead. - We are devoted to our partners, children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews, but resist being defined by them.
- We have more to offer than ever … and are in a phase in our life when we actually have the time and motivation to follow through.
- Our bodies may be sagging here and there but our potential is soaring. We really ARE getting better with age.
I was 14 when Helen Reddy’s, “I Am Woman Hear Me Roar” convinced me, along with an entire generation of American women, that I was strong and invincible. And though I was born in 1958, the same year as Barbie™, I am no cougar. I am a woman…a Phenomenal Woman, as Maya Angelou would say. And if there are any feline labels to slap on me, I prefer lioness in business, tiger in bed and pussycat at home with friends and family. Yes, I am a lion of a woman…hear me ROAR! Care to form a pride?
Older is bolder is my mantra now. I am more confident, wise, open and in touch with my own femininity then ever before. Turning 40 this year (12/25) is knocking my socks off in a totally wonderful way!
Amen sister! As you know, I am nearly 47 and not a mother, by choice, so I get the added burden of being seen as something less. So now my professional life is passing me by, and I don’t even have kids to point to as my life’s accomplishments?! Pardon my French, but I’m calling bullshit on the world! I live by my terms and do what I want. I have a great career, husband and friends and I will not go quietly. The older I get, the more I realize that the women in my life who I truly respect and admire still have it going on well into their 60s, and will probably continue on in their 70s and 80s. They are my role models and I intend to follow in their brave footsteps. Carol, thank you for roaring! I’m proud to join your pride.
Thank you! While I am seeing the same things you are, I refuse to buy into the perception that we’ve somehow passed our prime. The beauty of the Boomers is that we are now able to appreciate our differences and the wisdom that we have acquired through life’s experiences. I like being able to speak the “truth”; it’s our differences that flavor our brave new world – we no longer have to conform to the norms or labels that others may voice.
We, as the sage and courageous women before us, continue to pioneer and redefine who we are and the value that we share in the workplace, with our families and society as a whole.
No one has the right to define who we are and the gifts we have to offer, but ourselves. Personally, I find it refreshing to finally “get it” and feel comfortable in my own skin. To settle for less is to negate our collective accomplishments and the paths that we continue to forge.
Enjoy the journey and continue to do great things. Our daughters, and our daughter’s daughters, will thank you…
The first time I heard the term “cougar” I thought “wow – I want to be one of those….” strong…lithe… sexy… powerful…. something that makes people feel admiration and maybe a little bit of fear. How powerful? The degree of power is shown by the degree of belittling inspired in the fearful.
I totally agree with your assessment of what we contribute professionally. I have more perspective, more patience, more stubbornness, and more creativity than I have ever in my life. I can build upon a wide swath of experiences- my own and from people I admire – and put them together in new ways that accomplish things that I only dreamed of when I was a kid of 40. All the while making everyone around me look good. I am fortunate – I do feel appreciated where I am now, something I don’t take for granted. It’s a virtuous circle.
While crossing the bridge to SF last night I remarked to the love of my life that I still remember the young woman of 40 years ago crossing the bridge and gazing at the nighttime skyline wondering when I was going to have a taste of the fabulous, glamourous, fun and meaningful life that other motorists seemed to be speeding toward. I seem to have that robust life life now at 60, even if I have shifted the definitions a bit. I feel fully engaged with lfe right now. I’m a business woman and an artist, a lover and a grandmother, and a seeker of others who have a taste of this path, no matter their generation or gender. It seems to me that some younger people, including that self of mine on the bridge 40 years ago, don’t have any sense of history, a continuum, generational advantages or the inexorable march of time and have compartmentalized their very existence and what is important based on the unrelenting pressure of media images about who is viable. If anything, I would like for us to discover some sort of generational bridge so we all could be valued for who exactly we are. Do we as older women have an “image problem”? Maybe so – and I can’t make recommendations on how to overcome it. I am convinced that if I keep engaged with life that in my small circle that includes a younger generation of women, maybe I can keep surprising them everytime I climb on my moptorcycle, produce a painting, or offer stories and counsel from my past. Maybe we don’t need a mantra to be visible; maybe we need a swagger.
Oh my gosh this is so lovely and true
…a swagger beats the hell out of a mantra any day.
So well said – My colleagues and I (both male and female) have experienced this downgrading of age and experience in subtle and not so subtle ways – This entry is inspired. As a generation we have managed to redefine the culture all along the way – let’s do it one more time and take back our own wondrousness. Thanks for the on target insight. Am reposting wherever I can. This truth needs to be repeated over and over.