sleep, so illusive, seduces and beckons
promising renewal, providing escape
i want to succumb, but sleep gets away
my mind and soul, clinking and clanging
berating, regretting, conniving, reviving
sleep tries, but can’t get a word in edgewise
my sick husband sleeps, but just barely
coughing, coughing, he sniffles he hacks
grating and grinding, he whips me into wakeful snit
me ‘n my mac, clicking and coping
drowning out the sounds of husband and self
hello insomnia, my enemy, my friend
Just when you thought the season to celebrate was over, I’ve got one more holiday for you and I call it “Kick Ass Me” month. At this time of year so many of us are preoccupied with making all kinds of resolutions about our future, promising ourselves to be all sorts of fitter, smarter, kinder, quieter, louder, better, stronger, faster. Our list of upgrades often sounds much more like the blueprint for the makings of the Six Million Dollar Man than a realistic strategy for our own self-improvement. Even putting aside our ever-rising bar, the real shame in our rush to be resolute with our oncoming year turns out to be that we don’t take time to celebrate all that we have already done, and even more importantly, everything that we have already become.
The poignancy of this truth came home to me recently when an inordinate number of my amazing female clients were refusing to accept their amazingness. (This can happen with men too, of course, but it was showing up profoundly for me with women). Instead of celebrating themselves on a regular basis they were mired in thinking about all the things they felt they should be by now and all the greatnesses they were adamant they should have already accomplished. And believe me, these women exemplify what it means to be exceptional. Besides the successes they have achieved in their careers as business owners, entrepreneurs, and professionals, they also come off as funny, open, warm, sensitive people with rich, complex, exciting personal lives. And although I am honored to call them my clients, I am even more pleased to know they exist out there in the world just being themselves.
So I’d like to pose a few simple questions here…. Why is it so often easier for other people to celebrate us than for us to celebrate ourselves? What great harm do we think will come to us if we take a moment or ten to honor ourselves and everything that we are? How can we shift from berating to celebrating?
PRACTICAL PRACTICES
I invite us all to embrace this next month as “Kick Ass Me” month. During this time I encourage each of us to celebrate ourselves for our daily accomplishments, both large and small. Maybe you’ll want to celebrate yourself for the smile you bring to your son’s face or perhaps it’s time to acknowledge how hard you’ve been training for that marathon. Maybe now might finally be the time for you to formally honor all those many qualities about yourself that the rest of us have always known as simply Kick Ass. There are many ways to celebrate. Let me offer just a few….
In the immortal words of Kool and the Gang,
“It’s time to come together
It’s up to you, what’s your pleasure
Everyone around the world, come on!
We’re gonna have a good time tonight
Let’s celebrate, it’s all right
Celebrate good times, Come On!”
Guest Blogger … Carmen Hudson, founder and President of Tweetajob
Let me just put this out there. I am fairly suspicious of new age stuff. I read horoscopes through the lens of “yeah, but that could apply to anybody.” Why, I ask, do crystals have healing powers and ordinary garden rocks do not? And life coaching? Hogwash. Isn’t life coaching just an MLM scam promoted by Deepak Chopra?
I’m suspicious, but not entirely dismissive. I still read my horoscope, and I’m hopeful that the rocks I smuggled from Bali bring good energy into my home. So it was with trepidation, and a fair amount of curiosity that I set an appointment to talk to Dory Willer, an award-winning (and certified) life/executive/business coach and founder of Beacon Quest Coaching.
Dory describes herself as a “cheerleader for the soul” and, having met her in person a few years ago, I can attest to the cheerleader part. She exudes positive vibes. Her eyes dance. She wants you to do good things.
Our conversation – about an issue that was truly causing me stress – surprised me. I always think I have the answers about my life. I am a bad-ass when it comes to introspection. I think I have a healthy understanding of my strengths and shortcomings. I don’t need no stinkin’ life coach. The issue I was grappling with involved communication, and settling differences. I was handling the problem poorly, and unable to make decisions or move forward.
Dory helped me tip-toe through the issue and possible solutions. When I told her that this was becoming too much for me – I didn’t like handling stuff like this — she whipped out my “thrive factors” from a few years ago. Thrive factors are the characteristics I am most likely employ to make things work. “You already have all of the tools to resolve this.” She said. “Remember?”
If I were Sarah Palin, I’d call this “gotcha coaching”.
My thrive factors happen to be, in no particular order:
So there it was. I was being a big baby. I needed to unleash the characteristics I already carry around and dispense with this problem efficiently. Write it down, she told me. Work from the end state. Duh. I know this already. I don’t need no stinkin’ life coach.
Yeah, right.
So why was I struggling with questions to which I already knew the answers? Why did I need Dory to point out what should have been obvious? I don’t know. Sometimes we just need someone to clear the steam from the mirror, I suppose.
Cougar Barbie – Click here for the funniest movie of the week
Fellow female baby-boomers: what media image best describes you? Gray, staid and rarely laid? Or desperate, over-sexed cougar in search of unsuspecting boy-toy? Addicted to botox? Or withering from benign neglect? How about your professional image? Are you an over-the-hill executive? Or nurturing mom to all the “kids” in the office? These images sure as hell don’t describe me! How about you? The Cougar Barbie™ video just got me going. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no prude and I love a good joke. And self-deprecating humor is my specialty. But, I am sick of the degrading labels and media images that suggest I am a pathetic has-been. Sick! Read the rest of this entry »
You’ve probably heard the new-age adage “go slow to go fast”. I, for one, secretly thought the idea was little more than psycho-babble crap. Of course I guiltily found time for learning, friends and fun. But my assumption was that success was defined by ones ability to: Push. Drive. Be Productive. Go For It!
Well…I changed my mind. I have been pushing for over thirty years. And, I admit it, I need a break. In fact, without one I may even be short-changing my future success. Read the rest of this entry »
Dottie Gandy, author of 30 Days to a Happy Employee: How a Simple Program of Acknowledgment Can Build Trust and Loyalty at Work, spoke at the 9/26 F5 Forum about the power of acknowledgment. It was one of the most powerful discussions of the day and many of us left the forum vowing to acknowledge the everyday heroes around us. Lisa Kowalski sent me this excerpt from Heart of A Teacher, Paula J. Fox. It’s a little long, but I included the entire excerpt because it’s worth the time*… hope it inspires you like it did me (thank for forwarding, Lisa K.).
He was in the first third grade class I taught at Saint Mary’s School in Morris, Minnesota. All 34 of my students were dear to me, but Mark Eklund was one in a million. Very neat in appearance, he had that happy-to-be-alive attitude that made even his occasional mischievousness delightful. Read the rest of this entry »
If yes, why? If no, why not?
I’m sensing that professionals — especially women — are shifting their focus from the corporate ladder to creating a business of their own. Is it a trend or a blip? Is it by necessity or choice? What compels or prevents people from working on their own? Is there a gender variable to this equation? I want to hear back from as many of you as possible – let’s get the dialogue going.
I label myself an entrepreneur. It’s such a powerful motivator for me that even when I have worked within in the confines of the corporate labyrinth, I’ve acted as if I was an “owner” of a business providing a service for my organization. Read the rest of this entry »
Many of you know that I chose to dedicate the months of October through December to thinking, reflecting and planning so that, beginning in January, I am ready to Live and Leap in a big way. Much of my first week on the quest has been about what I’ll call clean-up. Bills were paid, emails were answered, overdue tasks completed. Still, even while I managed through the minutia, the universe stubbornly conspired to please and delight. Like a meteor shower, the opportunities alight and swirl. I observe, enjoy and, now share a few examples…
